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moving on

in quiet i hope it cuts deep to know my heart is no longer entrapped in your hands
and it stings as you look back at what you only now wish you had
and i hope your mind feels like it’s running in a pitch dark room
like you’re calling out for hopelessness in a place that disrespects demons without fear
and i hope that you think of calling and then you remember all the fucking awful ways it will slice your beating chest if i don’t answer
but mostly i hope that you don’t
i hope you don’t sting
i hope you don’t cut
i don’t even hope that you regret
i hope you move on and i hope you are happy
are common lines expressed in an empty triumph when we tell ourselves we don’t care
but i do
and so of course my heart goes to thoughts of you hurting the ways i did
but i never wanted you to hurt
i just wanted you to feel.

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