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we all want to be feared
in some tiny way
in order to believe
a suit of cloth can present us as stronger than we actually are
but secrets build
as they pushed the hair out of my eyes
with the calmest form of betrayal
and the hardest breakage of love
and i wanted to say stop
but the truth is you didn’t know it was wrong
and hands on hands touch like knives on knuckles
and you question your ability to speak as coffee cups splatter
like picture frames with your face stitched out with needles
you heard the thread pushing through
but yarn turned into coils turned into rope
that you wrapped around yourself like the greatest armor you could ever wear
holding you together like the seat belt you’d never click
and kisses turn into atomic bombs i explode into myself so no one else notices
because normalcy was written a different way in my book
and my head becomes a revolving door of right and wrong
spinning like blenders turned on all at once
churn me into something that deserves to live
and let me finally feel the ache of someone else’s body on my now breaking skin.

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