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you can see it in my eyes
how I’ve been looking for a home
roaming blocked off paths and asking for love
you can hear it in my voice
the desperation just to be wanted
by someone who knows how to twist my insides
so they can fit perfectly alongside you
with a backdrop of blue
and a new green that feels soft on my bare feet

you can see it in the way my eyes turn hazel when i look up
i’d rather be your doll then nothing
so tell me what shade of blue and i’ll find it
let me jump in a lake of all my selfish regrets and i’ll search the bottom for all your forgotten wants
i’ll find the reasons they hurt you in iron weights i can’t yet carry out
but please just let me drown without the sirens
finding grace in the way my legs start to break
and peace at the thought these cuts are no longer theirs to recreate

and i’ll understand when you stand near the edge looking down
turning your head and repeating the words “they said this is love”
and i’ll understand as your hands reach right above the water
not yet getting wet while all of you is already drenched in an internal spill
and i’ll understand why you linger before you leave
and why your teeth clench but never hard enough
and i understand, i understand, i understand
because i know you never got to.

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