Poems
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remember

I’m told not to dive deep
as if drowning is a consequence of my own helplessness
but wasn’t it?
i let weights get tied to my thighs
i thought they were love
and shame shame shame
comes with acceptance
drown myself so that i can no longer see my reflection
so that i can no longer see anything
as if i could go back and save myself
running away in some grim fantasy
in stories i tried to rewrite with broken pencils
the ones that were never even about me
but i would still scribble figures just to feel a bitter distance
on some leather chair i can still feel sticking to the back of my legs
the kind of altered image that resembled my childhood
and i wanted to ask him
why
but time makes those words faded echoes
ones that you can’t even feel anymore
but i still know how he sounds
I’ve had it memorized
it’s funny when they never fade
it’s always the voices you never wanted to keep.

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