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never was

They all warned me
When you give your heart
You often lose your mind
And it’s no coincidence
our veins are attached like string
The further you go
The harder it pulls
And you’ll try to cut the ties
But you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach
The wire swirling around
You’ll feel the pain
When you stray too far
Saying it’s not what you want
It never was

You only liked me when your blade was in deep
Cutting skin you liked to grip but never hold
Creating holes in my chest
with fingertips ripping out shreds of my insides
Saying “this is love dear”
Only then with skin under your nails
You’d so silently leave me be

And I look down at my hands stained with such a deep red
covered in love I meant for you to keep
and I can’t even explain
to others without seeming insane or naive
and now im standing over this sink
Trying to get it all out
Now I’m pulling at my shirt
trying to get it all out
Now my visions blurry
Now I can’t quite breathe

And still
I’d rather have your hands around my neck
Than anywhere near her.

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